All The Madmen (In One Car)

September 1st – 2016
It was an unspecified time before Halloween of last year, and it was the very day I picked up a little prop I like to nickname the Ozzie skull. The day was largely uneventful, almost forgettable if it wasn’t for this one lone incident. I was not the one at the wheel, so I was entirely a spectator of the surrounding roads. I saw just beyond my field of vision what I assumed at first to be a runaway clown car, but as we got closer a very different truth was revealed. With noticing this one car, I knew that something was up. It looked like the type of car that a suburban family of five or more would use to head to Sunday school, but it blared indescribable electronic screeches and had a sign dangling off the back which read “Happy 24th Alfred!!!!”.

This vehicle equivalent to a packed sardine can was in fact playing rave music, and many little heads were peaking from the windows, all of which being that certain college age where basic reasoning doesn’t matter and the whole world is one big frat party. I would take a bit of a bet and say that half of them didn’t even have shirts on just to show how that wasted New Year’s resolution gym subscription paid off. Some talk about how they can smell fear, I’m the one to usually pick up the scent of a drunkard. Or in this case, a whole car full of ‘em. They took their party to the road, so much so they converted the road to their personal dance floor. Car doors swung open to reveal drunk shirtless dudes dancing around ignoring the certain death passing by in the form of speeding traffic, and in spite of how many of them left more would seem to materialize in the passenger’s seats. And as quickly as they would abandon ship to boogie down, they would catch up with the vehicle and jump back in. Each hop inside being answered with an unseen floor-boy going “Ouch!”. Must’ve been the nerd of the class. Things became especially disconcerting once the driver side door flung open to reveal the one and only birthday boy in a tinfoil shirt writhing like a serpent on a concrete floor as the car sped off without him steering it.

Amongst all that was going on however, the main thing I noticed was the built in DVD player which was playing (in all seriousness) one of the Shrek films.

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